Sunday, March 21, 2010

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God smokes cigarettes

You'll probably have some difficulty in believing me, and I do not want you not being a tad skeptical on the issue, but we have every reason to believe that contrary to what we said Gainsbourg, God is a smoker of cigarettes.

Besides, if one believes the most eminent theologians, he never told his apostles "eat, this is my body," but "smoking is good." God is even a very heavy smoker, who cheerfully donned his two packs a day ... and it is much more common, believe it or not, to see God smoking like a chimney to see a fireman smoke like a God (except in dreams erotic-comedy the most salacious of Astrid Schuman, but it is a another story). The days of heavy clouds, it is not totally obscure to think that God has just hit a water pipe with Saint Peter, who never fails Nor him an opportunity to move away a smoke in the toilet rather than keeping the doors of Paradise, where there is theoretically no smoking since the entry into force of the Evin law. God cares, it's like Judge Dredd, the law, it's him. And God continues to smoke despite all his forty fags everyday for fear of his lungs. God cares about that too, and you know why: cancer, it is cons.

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Spanish Dictionary impromptu: Jean-Paul Sartre

Jean-Paul Sartre
April 15, 1980

Born in Paris in 1905, Jean-Paul Sartre lost his sire in 1906. Brought together by a Catholic mother and Protestant grandfather, the young man finds himself at the outset of the conflict at the center of assholes, and will retain a lifelong taste for protest, opposition and debate style of ideas ... deal with theories that are disturbing, this writer never combative can bring himself to wash their hands, they were dirty.

Student at Lycée de la Rochelle, Jean-Paul Sartre joined ENA in 1924, meets Simone de Beauvoir in 1925, comes into Simone de Beauvoir in 1926 and spent the aggregation in philosophy in 1929 to try to understand the reasons which have pushed into this corner. After his military service, he became professor of philosophy at Le Havre, from Berlin to study Heidegger while reading a lot of American novelists and cheap thrillers, then returned to Le Havre in 1934 to write "The Transcendence of the Ego" and " Outline of a theory of emotions, "closer to German existentialism as CSI: Miami.

Jean-Paul Sartre then tested mescaline, probably to forget Simone and in 1936 wrote the brilliant Melancholia, refused by Gallimard before being released in 1938 under another name, "Nausea," like what, mescaline does not to forget that beam inadvertently novelist frigid also a sexy doorway. Sartre also wrote "The Wall" a year later, then a whole bunch of parts as crucial as "The Flies" or "Huis Clos", without forgetting his novels "The Edge of Reason" and "Stay."

is 1945, Jean-Paul Sartre left teaching, founded the magazine "Modern Times" and joined the Communist Party before creating the Revolutionary Democratic Movement, with which he takes a big gadin. This will not prevent Jean-Paul Sartre to be all the fighting and all wars, rising against the Indochina and cons that of Algeria, yell at each other to form with Albert Camus in 1952, publishing in 1960 his Critique of Dialectical Reason "after a trip to Cuba rich in counts of the cigar (that the exchange of Beauvoir) and refusing in 1964 Nobel Prize for Literature which he did not have much to fuck, preferring to publish "The words" the same year.

The 70 link, Jean-Paul Sartre suffered one after two attacks that leave him alive but almost blind, and must stop all work in progress. Suffering from uremia, he died April 15, 1980 in Paris of a pulmonary edema ... 50,000 people take to the streets to attend the funeral and pay their last tribute to one of the most famous French writers of all time, including this young man who will miss school for this, but will produce this beautifully written apology: "Forgive my absence but I was at the demonstration against the death of Sartre."

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Letters to My Future-Ex (39)

small globules or the Apocalypse

"It's restful, tragedy, because we know that there is no hope."

Jean Anouilh


Globule Little finished his day's work, tired, exhausted. He grins, stretching, and headed by dragging the top car park. Its all-terrain vehicle is where he left off, brand new. Small Globule settles driving carefully, checks his seatbelt, start the engine of a sudden gesture, starts and take the first street on the right, at random.


imperceptibly, he presses the accelerator just starting out in the ramp. Shit, it is his vein, congestion in the aorta, at night. He thought quickly. Sure. It's Saturday night. He will be forced to detour to avoid getting stuck as a beginner globule behind this steady stream of ideas and emotions of all kinds which converge towards the same point in total disorder.

Still, it's the plot, this unusual gathering. Especially where he sees people he does not usually cross the road very often, it is assigned 24 to 16 hours for the irrigation of the lower parts from the new law of 3 / 8. Here, there is a misconception. Further, an Idea to the Con. Once here in the same car as this reasoning to its logical irritated cockpit. Further down the road, he saw another Intuition trying to pass on the right lane a whole row of Instincts struggling to move their cars in this seething mass.

Hop, a deviation. Globule Little took the opportunity to take a tangent. He tumbles to all spree on a small vein bordering country self-artery. If he pushed a little further for the cause of all this? That decided, he presses the fungus, it will not take him much time. A detour by the brain, nerve connections wriggle in every direction as a result of the influx of information that are fighting like cats and dogs to be heard first by the big boss. Neurons were thought to run in all directions to sort between good and bad ideas, they fail to stem the tide as much difficulty flowing into the courtroom.

Above it, Globule Little sees the big boss. He looks anxious, staring. It must be said that it must focus on to send its soldiers across the fronts of the stress that spreads among its connections, even faster than the ideas fail center by Great Aorta. Globule Little realizes that they all seem overworked and are constantly looking at their watches anxiously. He casts a glance at the enormous internal biological clock that sits above the courtroom, and includes the cause of their sudden panic: it will soon be 16 hours they should have to take all debauch little rest.

Really, all that worries him. He has never seen so much excitement around here since the finale of the 1998 World Cup. He wants to have the heart net, but the boss does not seem too willing to take the time to explain, especially to him, a second-class Globule. Too bad, he will manage by itself. After all, it's elementary, you have to trace the flow in the opposite direction to find the problem at its source.

the other side of the highway, the ramp is completely clear. The ideas continue to march in the opposite direction on his left while he was on full speed, as fast as possible despite the coolness that slows its progression in tunnels. Suddenly, small globules brakes suddenly. He comes to understand amazement came from where all emotions and obsessions glimpsed on the road. A little nervous, he nervously on his car stereo zaps to the chest, but the main channel is blocked by interference monsters. To think they still have too much work up there to address this problem of internal communication non-priority. Never mind, it's not very far. It restarts prudently, accelerate a bit and turns gently into the heart by a defective vent.

It's dark in that corner. Its headlights illuminate more weakly committed to the road deep in the heart that vibrates miles cries. Suddenly he must brake squeal again in a cell after a tight turn. On the way there, an obstacle. An unknown form. It said nothing, but that in any case something does not look like one of his cousins blood cells, or a virus classic, certainly not those he has encountered during his internship at the militias red blood cell for the irrigation of forelimbs. But given the heat they emit, it is easy to imagine the fierce battle that must lead above the hordes of white blood cells against the evil face that lurks neuronal connections.

Cautiously, he approached on tiptoe protean mass almost totally obstructing access. It gently lifts the veil. Strange. It looks like a globule, but it has black hair on top of the skull, long white hands, a sharp eye and a mouth, what a mouth, what next, who seem to want to talk to him, twisted in an expression bittersweet a mixture of abstract sadness and joy, confidence and doubt, honesty and secrets, cold and heat, rebellion and resignation, attraction and repulsion. He hardly dares to come closer, as the form it looks beautiful and poisonous at a time.

Slowly, calculating every millimeter of movement, it tends fingers to touch the forehead form. His contact is the start.

It is there. This is not an illusion. It's here. Small Globule rejoiced and is alarmed at a time. He feels happy without knowing why, but his smile freezes, because he knows what it all means for him and all his fellows. He heard this legend many times when he was still mini-globule. What was her name already, this story his grandfather told him many times? Ah yes, that's it, that it deserves. He sees the title as if contemplating encoreles pages yellowed by time of the Great Book of Blood Cells, and this brown blanket which was part in large gold letters:

"The Apocalypse, or the legend of the woman in the skin."

Globule Little crying now, kneeling in front of this form seems to dominate his weight.

Globule Little crying, and he does not even know if it's joy or sorrow.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

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God is a truck driver

It may of course seem very strange, and I it made me upset when I understood all that that implies, but it seems that in reality God is a truck driver Roger called.

And this is not because God is everywhere, he knows everything because he has a CB he used and abused every time he crosses a mobile radar. Do not honk when small chicks in a Renault 5 while being flashed his buddies coming in the opposite direction, God boredom doubling of English trucks to 87 km / h on the voice of history left to piss off all those idiots who swoop down on him at full speed. With a little bowl and when the road is wet enough, it can still lead to a small pile with ten dead key. It is a bad outbreak of cholera, but it's been a long time that God has left down the mass purges. When God is tired of killing people for fun, he will enter a good steak frites at the Buffalo Grill at the rest area Rougnoles Sur Gouffion. Then it will piss a bowl, a fun good ten minutes with the automatic hand dryer will take a nap in the weeds, thinking of all those puppets who come to pray in churches to heaven so that 'they would just take the A80 and exit at thirty terminals Rodez to fall over.

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impromptu Dictionary: Jesse Owens

James Cleveland Owens was born in 1913 in Oakville, a small town in Alabama where we may say, as Worldwide, there are a lot less racist than dirty lazy niggas only good for pushing the balls of cotton. This is also what makes his father, when not involved on Sunday at running races against his friends slaves. He will naturally give James the virus of the race, with that of AIDS and a dozen other venereal diseases that affect blacks fortunately, but that's another story.

We are in 1920 and the Owens family moved to Cleveland to offer a better future for their children, which is really cotton to the coup. It is that the teacher of James, who did not understand when he made his initial decision to rename Jesse for the good of all. This is also where Jesse Owens begins for Junior High School in Bolton while working as a delivery man and as a warehouseman in a shoe factory to finance his education. He won 79 races and 76 of the university in which it participates and equalizes the world speed record when he was 17 years. Naturally selected for the U.S. championships in 1935, he has broken all records despite a fall down the stairs a few days before, the record explodes in the 100 meters, 200 meter, 200 meter hurdles and long jump, becoming the first to cross the bar from eight meters.

The 1936 Olympics are held while in Berlin, and Jesse Owens goes one step further in the challenge by winning four gold medals in front of Chancellor Hitler, who refuse to come to congratulate him, probably a little upset and probably hurry to go play mid-gauze gauze me with Rosenthal and Cohen. It is true that on that day, Jesse Owen was inflicting quite a contradiction to the Aryan theories, even if it came at the same time strengthen the theory that verified many times is that if black people run faster, it is because of their drives to flee when the police arrived.

Back in the U.S., Jesse Owens was hailed as a hero, but a black hero all the same, always provided free of civil rights. It just vegetate, organizes shows in which he defeated in the race of champions that it leaves a bit early and even horses, and eventually became a jazz disc jockey in Chicago. There he died and was buried after being caught March 31, 1980 by lung cancer which makes the blow of the hare and the tortoise. Because that's the problem with cancer: nothing to run, we must die to the point.

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Letters to My Future-Ex (38)

Everywhere

"Let me make these valleys, these palaces, these cottages

Vains objects for me the charm is flown

rivers, cliffs, forests, deserts so dear
One
be missing you, and everything is depopulated

Lamartine


You're in the first rays that pass through the window
In the folds of my pillow too have heard
In the memories of my night
who do not get in my shower looking at me, bewildered
In my coffee mug that impatience
bouillu Coffee, coffee damn, morale in the sock juice.

You're between the lines of my text out of context
Among the keys to experiencing squeaking
Between the pages of my book in frantically running round
Between each cigarette burned to flirt
Between each companion, anonymous As far
happen to my Achilles heel.

You're on the tip of my shoes when I hugged
feverishly on the back of my jacket that I put on while you slip away
On the crosswalk waiting for my solo crossing
On the bar counter which is fed
On the rim of my glass that I broke the foot
About to annoy me copiously.

You are under the pile of magazines that I painstakingly filled
Under the deck that runs the sad song that blocks
Under my collection of flyers that fly in the first stroke
On the boards they all burn with Under all the fervor
skirts girls who simper in vain before me
'I am drunk, drunk, steep, crazy. You are omnipresent


Omniscient Omnipotent

Omnibulante
You're everywhere You know all

You know all you can do all
You're all

You feel everything you touch any

You eat all you hear all

You see everything ....

Except me.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

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Theory borked: God is Belgian

It will perhaps surprise you, and me I stayed back considerably by the news terrible, but it would seem, a careful reading of the Bible and Pif Gadget n ° 137 (one with a whoopee cushion as a gift) that God is actually Belgian.

Like Johnny Hallyday, if I can shortcut this gritty border of the unbearable, the only difference being that we know, God has never yet taken for Johnny Hallyday. And most importantly, when Johnny was immediately much more difficult to love his neighbor. Disc. God is not a Muslim, God is not Jewish, God is Belgian. Once. And even sometimes twice a day, if we are to believe the many stories of passionate love that cover the walls of sheer Flemish churches in which to dawdle between two beers at an outdoor cafe in Antwerp and cons everything. God is everywhere, and especially in Belgium, a country of cultural diversity and love the other, flat country that has plate that the nickname and geography as it is full of wonders that can not be decently as divine inspiration, starting with this ultimate element without which life would be nothing, no water, no, nor fire, air or land, but the fry. Gastronomy without fries is like a pepper steak or without a kiss without a mustache, it makes no sense, and that is why Belgium is, and that's why in a its moments of infinite wisdom, the Lord said, "that is fried, and Belgium was. All that to say that God is Belgian, and it fits like a Gent.

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impromptu Dictionary: Blum

Blum

Born April 9, 1872 in Paris, Leon Blum was sent to the Lycée Henri IV, where he met André Gide quickly, with whom he founded a journal of poetry ... hundred years later, he would have done with tuning Steevy and walls tagged with M Pokora, farewell and paid holidays. But we are in 1891. Blum gets one after his degree in Letters and his law degree, and is received as an auditor of the State Council when he was 23 years while writing some book reviews in journals Paris. The policy does it really falls over with the beginning of the Dreyfus affair in 1894, just before he met Jean Jaures, with whom he founded the newspaper L'Humanité in 1904.


In August 1914, Blum became Chief of Staff of the Socialist Marcel Sembat, a very good dancer, then became deputy for the Seine in 1919 and chairman of the Socialist parliamentary group the following year, at a time when the we still did not associate socialism with a left caviar led to an iron hand in a glove Mobalpa by the Virgin of Poitou; The following year, he refused to join the SFIO communists of the Third International and fucked in the legislative by the rise of the extreme right. So, in 1934, he approaches the PCF Thorez and sign agreements of the Popular Front, which allows them to win the general election of 1936 and sees Leon Blum became President of the Board, the equivalent of our current president . It's time all revolutions: Blum invites women in government, then they do not vote. And above all, paid holidays, work week to forty hours, compulsory schooling to 14 years, the institution of collective bargaining and the right last two football games a week.

But soon, everything is spoiled. Vilified by the extreme right and his entire government (Roger Salengro, his interior minister, will even commit suicide), and hit hard by anti-Semitism very fashionable at the time when the mustache was Führer Blum is picked up and resigned in 1937. Very quickly, it's war. Blum is one of the 80 MPs who voted against the granting of full powers to Marshal Petain, and refuses to flee the U.S. despite the invitation of Roosevelt. Order by Vichy in September 1940 he was interned at the castle of Chazeron then delivered by Pierre Laval to the Nazis and deported to Buchenwald in March 1943, in a charming forest cottage 100 yards from the camp, as everyone knows, so rampant these little details of history that in fact never really existed, let us agree. His brother René Blum, founder of the Ballet de l'Opera de Monte Carlo, it will end in soap at Auschwitz, while Blum was taken with his wife in the Italian Tyrol at the time the war is nearing its end. He runs for a month last provisional government of France, refused the post of Minister that he proposes and De Gaulle withdrew in 1947 at his home in Jouy-en-Josas (not to be confused with Enjoy by Josette Belgian pornographic film of 1948) and died March 30, 1950 of a heart attack at the age 77.

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Letters to My Future-Ex (37)

Castration Sentimental

You could be proud of me

You could introduce me to all your friends

You could be jealous of those who approached me

You could drag me tender looks

You could drag you under my skin

You could

We
could have been strolling hand in hand
We could show off in public
We could share smiles
We might love our silences
We could share our morning coffee
We could

I could be sweet attentive, tender
I could have been reassuring, firm, paternal
I could be funny, relaxed, fun
I could be cultivated, passionate, interesting
I could be a good gross a little gangster
J 'You could have

not left me time to become someone you do
left me time that of being nobody.

A 100-meter runner blocked on the line
After two false starts
A poker player with a Royal gives
Obliged to lie down for lack of participants
An actor who finally gets a role
And which are cut to mount replicas
A metaphor would have liked to grow and become something else


That frustration over
That castration absurd
That dead weight to be an alternative to sleep

That eternal regret.

Monday, March 1, 2010

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impromptu Dictionary: Lolo Ferrari

1963. All the Puy de Dome is in turmoil Martin Luther King just had a dream, JFK is stumbling, AC Milan are champions of Europe a millennium volcano wakes up with a small pschitt and Clermont-Ferrand suddenly becomes the center of the known world on February 9 when born in the charming countryside of Clinical Deep Throat, Early Eve Geneviève Aline Vallois. Originally

rather modest one that does not yet called Lolo Ferrari will live a relatively quiet childhood towards Gaul, forgiveness, La Baule, and is found to do some modeling, after early days of adolescence have revealed to the world the generous attributes which nature has endowed the little Eve. Indeed, at the age of 13, she lugs around his 90 D on sunny beaches and the Baule to pervert fucks triquent who drink on the terrace and jumped to the pretty girls who go on the pier in swaying slightly to avoid bites . Mooring. Among them, a certain Eric Vigne, paunchy Quarantine nicknamed "the vine" by his friends, who marries without shame and without the hood young Eve Vallois on a beautiful morning in July 1988. His mother is there, also breast, implants are not far away. Crazy admiration for Amanda Lear and encouraged by his poisonous vine, and Eve became Lolo chest swells to a staggering speed, reaching 180 cm happiness after 25 surgeries during which she took the opportunity to be redrawing the eyes, nose and lips to look up his childhood idol. With 2.8 pounds and three liters of serum into each breast, Lolo becomes "the woman with the biggest breasts in the world" for the Guinness Book. For the rest of the population, it will remain a monster carnival made to be drilled, a pig, a slut, and again, I kiss my words.

Equipped with its tailor-made brassieres and its chronic insomnia (she can not sleep on your stomach or back, and fear that her breasts explode suddenly makes him lose sleep), Lolo Ferrari in 1996 represents a caricature of Pamela Anderson in the movie Camping Cosmos, gets a recurring role on Channel 4's Eurotrash, makes striptease in cabarets moldy, tries to films erotic then right down the porn, she once again has the opportunity to do redo the facade with disconcerting regularity. Sony Music philanthropists the opportunity to save him the tube ephemeral "Airbag Generation", but it is already seeing the tree, others say the mold or the woods, for Lolo Ferrari and her husband fungus. And even if it won his lawsuit against the firm Ferrari's draft lingerie Lolo Ferrari Underwear falls into the water and Lolo permanently dark depression which threatens so many years.

On 5 March 2000, and as deep as it is experienced (not to be missed for cinema lovers, the magnificent full pot made in 1998 by Marc Dorcel), Lolo sees light at the end: she was found lifeless at his home in Grasse with enough drugs in the body to stun an elephant, dwarf, and despite suspicious signs of strangulation, which led to the arrest of her husband, the police investigation concludes ultimately to suicide. In accordance with his wishes, Lolo Ferrari is buried a few days later in the strictest enmity in a large white coffin with impressive measurements and where was deposited a copy of his favorite plush, Winnie the Pooh. Finish his career as a funeral for actress vibrator decadent, it's ugly, even for a guy who deserved the flames of hell since the day he caught Piglet in a clearing of the sordid Acre Wood while Tigger and Eeyore were watch, but that's another story.

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borked Theory: God is a station master

It may seem strange, and I was surprised myself surprised when I heard the news, but it seems if we are to believe the cousin of my brother who was himself a guy who fell over a gray day on a regular dock Montceau-Les-Mines, a charming town, moreover if indeed the post-industrial architecture of the twentieth century draws all your favors and you are not subject to various types of pathologies ranging from claustrophobia deep chronic depression, but it seems that in reality, God is a station master in the Pas-de-Calais.

Why Pas-de-Calais ? And why not? Where there is discomfort, there's no pleasure, and where there's no calais, there's always an idiot to ask why God would have had the crazy idea to settle in one of worst places of creation. The answer is obvious: God is testing and trying to prove that 2000 years of suffering is a necessary evil to enjoy happiness. That's exactly the same reasons that God invented trains, he loves the views inevitably endless amount of variety of punishments available to him on a meal tray to allow the SNCF to test daily the faith of men with little tired. Let's get serious a moment: if God really existed, our train is not always the one with two hours late, we would not face a throng of happy sluts reeking of patchouli and spitting in their ignorance of suicidal cell phones, to a crowd of gnomes whiners trying to beat the world record for crossing car, screaming for death, and a gaggle of old debris, sourdingues survivors from another time who feel compelled to make conversation by whirling their banalities syphilitic poor eardrums of your servant. In short, if God existed, we would not be obliged to bear on every trip that many distressing magnifying whose number is expected to complete at least two or three trains direction Birkenau, ten minutes off, everyone from the ashes.

Unless this is just yet another proof that you send us, God, man, in your infinite mercy which equaled on Earth that talent Yoann Gourcuff. No thank you. Those who love me take the car, and if that does not bother you too much to push to Montceau-Les-Mines, I have someone to visit.

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Letters to My Future-Ex (36)

A the sickle

And you left me, not even for another

For a nobody who has already more than I

You just left me because he had

You've just tired because you had something else



You did not ask if I knew why
It fell pretty good. I did not know enough
And many have regrets
miss it over with as guilty
Already I find it takes me happy
able to tell me that for once, I was not scared From
admit defeat.

And twenty asses is all what I would have won
The twenty asses the bitch who quickly succeeded t'auront
In my bed of pain, which has seen too many past
Small chicks not a little proud of himself fucked
And then move on to posterity
From poems to the idiot, full of rhymes over hurdles at

craggy.